Finals

The Finals are finally here.  The end to the ultimate tournament.  Now we will see who the ultimate bad ass truly  is.


John McClane Vs. Indiana Jones

All of John McClane's guns are empty.  He has nothing left but his fists.  Indy has one shot left in his revolver.  Indy fires while John drops to his right into a summersault.  When he gets to his haunches he spots it.  The one weapon that can destroy Dr. Jones. A snake slithering through the rubble.  McClane snatches it with mongoose like speeds and hurls it at Indiana.  Indiana falls to the ground vigorously trying to swat the serpent away.  While he is distracted John McClane picks up Indy's Whip and wraps it tightly around the good Dr's exposed neck.  Indiana Jones struggles to free himself while his life slowly slips away.  After his eyes cloud over and his arms drop to his sides McClane lets him drop lifeless to the ground.  He stands up and smiles out of the side of his mouth, " I just whipped your ass buddy."


Well that's it folks.  John McClane is your champion.  It was a close battle but he used his opponents weakness to his advantage and achieved victory.  To see more of John McClane's exploits check out the Die Hard series.

Semi Finals!

Here are the spectacular semi-finals.

John McClane vs Snake Pliskin

While Snake is silently stalking the streets for his prey, John is secretly hiding on top of a 20 story building.  He reaches for the nearest fire hose, grabs hold of it tightly and jumps over the edge all while riddling Snake with bullets.  Sorry Snake you made it far but just couldn't hack it.

Indiana Jones Vs. Ash

Ash extends his chainsaw arm and lunges at the archeologist.  Indy narrowly avoids the slicing power of the horrible machine.  He dives to his right while unleashing his heroic whip wrapping it around Ash's arm.  Dr. Jones pulls violently on his whip, forcing the chainsaw upon  Ash's unprotected torso slicing through his ribs and lungs dropping him to the ground senselessly gasping for the air he will never receive.

Winner Indiana Jones

NEXT THE FINALS!

Round 2 fight!

You asked for it so here it is Round 2 of the ultimate bad ass competitions

FIGHT

Rambo Vs John McClane

Very tough, I can't imagine them ever fighting.  They should join forces and conquer the world!  But for the sake of of the league I will have to choose 1 and that 1 is.... John McClane.  He falls into Rambo's bamboo traps bare feet first then hops out and head butts Rambo into the propeller of a Huey waiting to pick up Rambo's lifeless body.

Winner: John McClane


 Col. Braddock Vs. Snake Pliskin

Snake Pliskin peels the bomb from his neck and shoves it up Braddock's ass.

Winner: Pliskin


James Bond Vs. Indiana Jones

Indiana Jones whips Bond's gun from his hand then chops his head off with his machete.  He then precedes to seduce Miss. Moneypenny on Mr. Bonds desk.  M also joins in.


Riggs Vs. Ash

During this incredible fight a horde of ferorcious zombies storm into the ring and take out Rigg's back up Murdough.  With his best friend turned to lunch meat Riggs goes into a crazy frenzy and lunges for Ash just to step right into his chainsaw arm ripping out all his organs in a bloody mass of ooze.

Winner Ash


Up Next the FINALS!

#1 Bad Ass!

Here we go the tournament of tournaments, the kumite of kick ass if you will.  Match ups between some of the greatest fiction characters of all time added with a few real life bad asses in the tournament to end all tournaments!
           
Round 1 FIGHT!

Bruce Lee Vs. John McClane

Winner: John McClane.
Sure Bruce Lee is a kung fu master but John McClane has gone against kung fu masters before and come out on top, and that was even in his later years.  Yippie Kye Aye Muther Fucker!

Rambo Vs. Dirty Harry

Winner: Rambo
Rambo has annihilated well trained armies single handed with only his knife.  Dirty Harry is just a hard boiled detective trying to clean up the mean streets of San Francisco.  Sure his gun gives him a bonus but that's all he has.  He better hit Rambo in one shot because if not THROAT RIP MUTHA FUCKA!

Col. James Braddock Vs. Jason Bourne

Winner: Braddock
When working at the office don't ask Chuck Norris for his three hole punch, Jason Bourne did and exploded.

Snake Pliskin Vs Frank Martin

Winner: Snake Pliskin
He has an eye patch, automatic win.  He can also call upon the help from his good buddy Jack Burton if things get in a pinch.

James Bond Vs. John Conner

Winner: James Bond
John Conner is too much of a whiny bitch.  James bond would go back in time kill Kyle Reese and make sweet love to Ms. Conner making John Bond leader of the pantie resistance.

Indiana Jones Vs. Dominic Torretto

Winner: Indiana Jones
Why is Dominic Toretto even on this list?

Rocky Balboa Vs. Sgt Riggs

Winner: Riggs
With Murtough watching his back he'll never lose.

Ash Williams Vs. Jack Bauer

Winner: Ash
Ash slices that boner in half with his chain saw, fucks his daughter, then writes a book about it.  All while signing autographs for his devout fans.



Well that's it for Round 1 stay tuned for round 2 very soon.